#and like. I'D STUDIED FOR THIS EVEN
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i'm ready to try
#This drawing is kind of personal to me#I recently graduated (CUM LAUDE WOOOO!!!!) and its like. not to get depressing#but when i was younger i was never sure whether i would make it to this point#When i was going through what i consider to still be like. the worst time of my entire life#This fictional character was there for me and she was something for me to latch onto and cope with#eGem helped me a lot with being able to process my emotions at the time but also helped me to reflect on myself#which i think is a big reason as to why I'm really happy with where i am with myself right now#I'm going off to uni next school year to study astronomy!!! which!!!#Im also doing because of eGem!!! She ignited this kind of childlike wonder for space for me#I love doing math and physics and whilst Im still a bit scared because. honestly i don't know whether this is what i want to do with my lif#I think i'll be okay either way#either way i wanted to draw egem again even if i haven't done so in a while because its like#i think i wouldnt be who i am without her. i think i'd be a lot worse off#so like. thank you empires smp thank you geminitay thank you egem This drawing is me expressing my gratitude#AND THANK YOU AUTISM!#empires smp#empires smp s1#empiresblr#esmp#geminitay#art#fanart#alice.art#mcyt#mcytblr#song is andromeda by weyes blood... obv.. you guys know me by now :oP
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Manfred Von Karma did not burn Phoenix's letters to Miles.
Like, I'm not even saying this to defend Manfred's character (though the fanbase does get a little crazy with what he actually did and didn't do) I'm saying this because that's not canon. I'm not sure it was even possible in canon.
Phoenix didn't write letters to Germany. He didn't know Miles was in Germany, let alone Von Karma's address. He didn't even know who Von Karma was until Edgeworth told him about Manfred in Turnabout Goodbyes.
In the game canon, Miles just stopped showing up to school one day. All Phoenix seemed to know was that he transferred schools suddenly. He didn't know why or where to. Remember, Phoenix didn't even hear about DL-6 until Turnabout Sisters when Maya mentioned her family's involvement.
Even in the anime canon (I haven't watched the anime in a while so I might be off about this) where Phoenix and Miles get a chance to properly say goodbye, Phoenix still doesn't have a direct means of contacting him. His best way of doing so was dedicating a song through the radio using Signal Samurai codenames and hoping Miles would hear it.
Phoenix mentions trying to contact him several times when explaining their relationship to Maya, but this was after finding out Miles was this "Demon Attorney". Miles would have to be at least 20 at this point in time, living back in California with at least a few trials under his belt. With how young he reached success, it's not impossible Miles was living on his own at the time. Even if he wasn't, I doubt Manfred was going through this grown adult's mail.
No, what the game seems to be implying is that Miles ignored Phoenix. (Maya even says, "I guess he didn't want to hear from his old friends.") And I don't think this was out of hatred or anything, I think Miles just wanted to forget his past entirely because even the good memories of his childhood would be bittersweet at best.
And to be honest that makes it even more tragic to me. Why do we need Manfred to intercept their connection when Miles' trauma and guilt complex is already doing that?
I like to think Miles knew Phoenix would be asking questions if he ever responded to those initial attempts at contact. Questions he of course doesn't want to answer because they'd at best open old wounds or at worst risk his childhood friend finding out he might have committed patricide.
I also like to think he knew Phoenix of all people would stubbornly try to find the answers Miles wouldn't willingly give because he literally mentions Phoenix always being "single minded in his work" and "always seeing things through to the end". If anyone was going to press and bring those uncomfortable and painful memories out in the open for the sake of "helping him", it would be Phoenix Wright.
Why do we need Manfred to take away all that complexity and tragedy? That is such a waste!
#also Manfred didn’t know who Phoenix was#even when they were opposing council he didn’t recognize him outside of court#yes it's fine to bend canon when writing fanfic of course#but like it's so overdone and accepted as canon#just...guys there is so much angst and amazing character study RIGHT THERE#why do we need a villain to do something so petty when there's enough angst in canon characterization#god if i could write maybe I'd make a fanfic about this fhfhdh#feral yapping hours#manfred von karma#miles edgeworth#phoenix wright#wrightworth#narumitsu#ace attorney
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the saturday-sunday night diabolical "life is falling apart"- to do list followed by a mad scramble
#in the middle of said mad scramble bc ohmygod I have 30+ things on that to do list that I'd like to get done by Tuesday at the very VERY#latest so like eeee it's a uhh something something#my sunday's have been starting on saturday evenings lately time's getting more condensed !! yikes#no one ask me when I'm planning on sleeping if I'm here drinking coffee at 1:30am I don't know I'll cross that bridge when I get to it#studyblr#bookblr#booklr#aesthetic#books#study#reading#read#book#studyspo#april 2024#2024
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Sauron, Galadriel, & Tolkien's Theology of Repentance - Part One
Summary: Character meta analysis on Sauron (and Galadriel, through the lens of Sauron). Based on both Silmarillion & RoP canon. 3.5k words. Discussion of Catholic theology involved. Blanket TW for discussion of violence, manipulation, etc., because Sauron. Spoilers for S1 & S2 and the Silmarillion, of course. The tragedy of Sauron is that he gets offered so many legitimate chances at redemption and forgiveness, and he denies them every single time. But we know he wants absolution, because that’s what he sees Galadriel as: his chance to bind himself back to the light, to be Mairon again, to heal the pain that he caused and that was caused to him under Morgoth. But because he has such a warped view of himself and his actions, he dismisses genuine extensions of compassion, forgiveness, and care as simultaneously beneath him and too good for him. And yet, he still pursues redemption, but through none of the channels offered to him.
In The Rings of Power, he’s given the explicit instruction to change for the good in the village after he’s reborn. He’s given the chance leave his past behind and work meaningfully in Númenor. He’s given the chance to redeem himself by Galadriel's offer of friendship (or love, depending on your interpretation). In the Silmarillion, he's even given the chance by Eönwë himself, and comes close to leaving Morgoth behind completely!
Let's look at this passage from Of the Rings of Power and the Third Age (emphasis mine):
When Thangorodrim was broken and Morgoth overthrown, Sauron put on his fair hue again and did obeisance to Eönwë the herald of Manwë, and abjured all his evil deeds. And some hold that this was not at first falsely done, but that Sauron in truth repented, if only out of fear, being dismayed by the fall of Morgoth and the great wrath of the Lords of the West. But it was not in the power of Eönwë to pardon those of his own order, and he commanded Sauron to return to Aman and there receive the judgement of Manwë. Then Sauron was ashamed, and he was unwilling to return in humiliation to receive from the Valar a sentence, it might be, of long servitude in proof of his good faith; for under Morgoth his power had been great. Therefore when Eönwë departed he hid himself in Middle-earth; and he fell back into evil, for the bonds that Morgoth had laid upon him were very strong.
This passage is clear that Eönwë is willing to pardon Sauron--he simply did not posses the power to do so. But when Sauron was told he must appeal directly Manwë, he gave up entirely and skulked back to Middle-earth. There are a few ways to read this:
1. He was not wholly repentant
Sauron simply wanted the protection of a new master in the absence of Melkor. i.e., he was rather fickle and simply wanted to be on whatever the "winning" side was. This is supported by the text literally saying that at least some of his obeisance was completely false, and that he only made a point of feeling bad about anything once his master had been chucked into the Void and his armies and strongholds were being destroyed (Thangorodrim). In this reading, perhaps Eönwë saw Sauron's treachery and referred him to Manwë knowing that it would be a test of his true intent. However, while a valid interpretation, I believe this to be the less holistic of the two.
2. He was truly repentant
Sauron did truly feel badly and "abjured all his evil deeds," but he was unwilling/unable to humble himself after being so fundamentally broken by Melkor and developing an insatiable power lust (hey, he isn't defined in the narrative by lust and pride for nothing).
Earlier in this same chapter, Tolkien wrote that Sauron could "...deceive all but the most wary." This is in the specific context of his physical shapeshifting. But, I would argue that this can also be tied to his lies. Tolkien has a specific ethic of beauty, where physical perfection is equated with moral goodness. Sauron completely inverts what is otherwise a hard and fast rule within Tolkien's writings by being the character most frequently described as "fair"--seven times to Lúthien's six, and she was the most beautiful woman to have ever lived!
(Side note: I have another post on Tolkien & beauty in the works where I'll get more into this idea)
Why does this matter? Even though this interaction with Eönwë takes place in the First Age, Sauron could at this point be in the demonic form Mirdania describes in the forge. And, I am inclined to believe that Eönwë, as the head Maiar and herald of Manwë, would be a pretty wary guy, and thus able to sense any of Sauron's trickery. I read this to mean that Eönwë looked at Sauron and saw his potential to be Mairon again, either in absence of his evil form or in spite of it.
Because Sauron is incredibly beautiful. And even if it is a disguise of the true, depreciated form of his spiritual essence, he presented himself to Eönwë at his most beautiful. He wanted, even in his act of repentance, to make himself more favorable in Eönwë's eyes. To show up as Mairon (who was likely close friends with Eönwë before everything went down, since they are considered to be two of the most powerful Maia and would have worked closely together).
But I don't think this was all manipulation on Sauron's end. I agree with the scholars mentioned in the text who believed that Sauron was truly repentant--which is why Eönwë even bothered referring him to Manwë instead of kicking him into the Void with Melkor.
And this is the tragedy: Sauron is told exactly how to repent, and believes fundamentally that it is an impossible path for him. And yet, he still longs so intrinsically for it! He was, under Aulë, a Maia of precision, perfection, and order. Under Morgoth, he feels disordered, dis-regulated. He needs to correct the fundamental imbalance within him, so why does he flee Eönwë?
It comes back to Sauron's pride.
If he follows through with this path of reconciliation, there is no way he can hide or pretend his actions away. If he cannot trick his fellow Maiar, he certainly cannot trick the Valar. And he cannot stand the idea of submitting himself back under their rule, especially now that he has tasted power. This is a pride wound; it is why the idea of confessing to Manwë would be humiliating to him as opposed to just upsetting/uncomfortable.
Again, the pivotal moment: he is told how to make amends for crimes and determines that he cannot do it. So he returns to Middle-earth and stews in his own self-hated and self-pity for a few years. In that time, he consciously or subconsciously latches onto Eönwë's offer--forgiveness from penance. It is the way forward. And if he cannot earn penance at Manwë's hand, he will do it on his own.
The Prodigal Son
This is where we have to talk about the Catholic roots of Tolkien's work for a moment. The scene where Sauron approaches Eönwë mirrors the biblical parable of the prodigal son. In this story, a man abandons his family, spends all his money, and falls into ruin. But when he recognizes his failings and returns to his father to get help, he is welcomed back into the family without question--in other words, he is forgiven and restored to his former position.
17 But when he [the prodigal son] came to himself he said, “How many of my father’s hired hands have bread enough and to spare, but here I am dying of hunger! 18 I will get up and go to my father, and I will say to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you; 19 I am no longer worthy to be called your son; treat me like one of your hired hands.’” 20 So he set off and went to his father. But while he was still far off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion; he ran and put his arms around him and kissed him. - Luke 15:11-32, NRSV CE (emphasis mine)
The parallel is clear; Mairon, the repentant Maia, returns home with hopes of reconciliation. He is prescribed the same task that the prodigal son offered to his father: he must be bound in servitude to his father/creator in order to pay off his debts. This is a deliberate allusion from Tolkien. The story of the prodigal son models the path of reconciliation that Eönwë describes. Tolkien seems to be drawing a line in the sand with this: Sauron is unwilling to do the work required by the Valar for repentance, so he is unable to receive the grace of a warm welcome back into the fold of the Ainur. Since he did not humble himself, he has to be told to do it. And he does not want to! He wants to be loved, but he also wants his power--evidence, in a way, of how his character was fundamentally altered in his time with Morgoth.
His pride--and his fear--cut him off from the potential of grace. He does not know for certain that Manwë would subject him to servitude (though I would argue that it's textually evident that it is a custom), but this assumption leads him to flee, which allows him to slip back into his old ways.
He wants to be Mairon (admirable) again, not Sauron (abhorrent). He wants to be accepted and loved, but not punished. He wants the benefits of reconciliation without the work he would have to do to earn it or the shame he would feel as he did. It's pride, but it's also deep shame--the flip side of his extreme ego is an implicit self-hatred, one that we can see in the subtext of how he speaks about himself and about his time with Morgoth.
Even the language Tolkien uses is heavily shame-coded, especially in a Catholic context; Mairon did not go willingly, he was "seduced." He admits to Celebrimbor that he was "tortured by a god". It becomes exceedingly clear through both text and on-screen canon that Sauron was routinely broken and abused for centuries. This has fundamentally damaged his self-perception, which is ultimately what leads him to "[fall] back into evil"--whether due to pride or shame, he hides, perhaps because he consciously or subconsciously does not believe that he deserves forgiveness, no matter how much he craves it.
Naked in the Garden
His flight back to Middle-earth after meeting Eönwë is reminiscent of another biblical scene, where Adam and Eve, after committing the first sin, hide from God in shame and fear (emphasis mine):
7 Then the eyes of both were opened, and they knew that they were naked...9 But the Lord God called to the man, and said to him, “Where are you?” 10 He said, “I heard the sound of you in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked; and I hid myself.” -Genesis 7-10, NRSV CE
The image of nakedness is, here, one of vulnerability, and Tolkien establishes that Sauron fears that which he cannot control. He needs the Rings under his power. He needs his armies and his enemies under his watchful eye. He is petrified of letting his power slip away (possibly due to never wanting to feel powerless in the hands of a Vala, fallen or not, again).
The biblical allusion here hearkens back to the fear Tolkien describes Sauron as feeling regarding his return to the Ainur. In the religious system Tolkien has established, which is likely inspired by his own religious beliefs, Sauron has sinned, and must make penance. But he is afraid of God/Manwë, and does not want to "let go" of his sin. In other words, he is not truly repentant. This reflects the Catholic sacrament of confession, which requires self-reflection and resolve to never commit the sin again.
Instead of shame driving him to contrition, it drives him to isolation.
But he still wants forgiveness. So, in his years of hiding in Middle-earth, he decides to earn it himself. His own way.
Enter the Rings.
Sauron wants to perfect the wrong he wreaked so that he can both earn his way back into the Ainur and keep his power. But what he does not realize is that this does not work. Eönwë is clear that he must forsake his true temptation--absolute power--through penance by submission. Yet Sauron in his pride thinks he can have it all. Sauron is a very carefully controlled villain, and the only times he snaps or makes significant mistakes are when his inflated self-perception is challenged, revealing the self-loathing and/or self-pity underneath. The best example of this is when he kills Celebrimbor prematurely, and cries afterwards. Why? Because Celebrimbor was right about him, and he hates it. He hates knowing that he is nothing more than the Morgoth's shadow, because Morgoth was his master as much as he was his tormentor. As Sauron puts it, his relationship with Morgoth was often defined by pain as a test to see "whose will was the mightier":
This image carries more shame, both in its implicit sexual connotations and in the simple power dynamic of it. Sauron, even though misguided, is rallying against Morgoth. He wants to break what Morgoth has created and build something new, something better, something apart from his old master entirely. But Celebrimbor confronts him with reality: he has not created something new, and perfect, and special, as he so wanted to--he can only act in imitation, not in generation. And when he got close with the Rings, it cost him everything. It's almost like he wants the power of a Vala, and loathes that he cannot attain it.
And this is why he becomes so singularly obsessed with Galadriel.
She’s his foil. They both crave power and adoration, but in the end of things, she does not fold under his temptation. She turns down everything she has ever wanted for the greater good and for the sake of her own soul. Sauron looks at Galadriel and perceives that she would have succeeded at Eönwë's test because she is willing and able to humble herself. This maddens him to the point of both desiring her and desiring to break her.
She learns that she is easily tempted and becomes strong enough to handle it (through a lot of tough love from Elrond & co.). She has to learn how to do it, but she is able to.
She grows from someone who resisted and rejected authority to someone who is trusted as an authority because of her ability to wield it wisely (see: Gil-galad allowing her to answer for him in 2x08).
In other words, she earns the trust, love, and support of her community. Sauron has to force his to comply—it is an illusion of love.
His possessive obsession with her also stems from her fairness. She was the object of her uncle Fëanor's obsessive desire for creation as well. Her hair was the inspiration of the Silmarils (see: The History of Galadriel and Celeborn; The Shibboleth of Fëanor - source with page #s here), which Morgoth desired more than anything to possess.
Sauron, wanting to spite his master, wants one better--to own that which inspired the Silmarils, to own the image of fairness (and thus of moral good) completely. This is why he wants to bind himself to her. This is why he needs her. He sees Galadriel as his mechanism of repentance, and his last triumph over Morgoth. Winning her is his salvation as much as it is proving that his will is the mightier. It is his way of dominating Morgoth. This starts, I think, as a genuine effort at proving himself to the Valar, but quickly consumes him entirely. He is overcome with the desire for revenge, just as Galadriel was at the beginning of the First Age.
And he sees this in her. Sees their similarities. Sees that she, too, is angry and lonely and so afraid of losing her power. And he leverages that to befriend her. This is where it gets ambiguous and you can read RoP as either painting the image of Sauron being earnest but completely misguided in his proposal, or you can see it as him being entirely manipulative.
I think the truth of that scene probably falls somewhere in the middle; just like when he presents himself to Eönwë, he is sincere in his desire, but only knows how to present it in an inherently contriving way. He does want to bind her to him, so he tries to only reveal to her the good aspect of that desire (and also of his desire for power, which he allows her to see because he believes that it is good and also because she understands it), and not the ugly underside of his internal struggle against Morgoth, the Valar, and himself.
And I do think, in his own way, he cared about her. Galadriel consistently shows kindness and compassion to him. In S1, they grow to know each other's minds and souls, and she considers him a close friend. He finds comfort in this, that someone could see the blackness of his heart and care for him anyway. He thought, in his isolation, that he lost that chance when he fled back to Middle-earth. And here is the very picture of the light itself telling him that she supports him, that she sees the good in him, that she wants to help him set the world to rights! Of course he is infatuated by this. Of course he also wants to use it. He is Sauron.
But Galadriel succeeds where he fails, so he stops playing nice and tries to forcibly drag her down with him. First, by baiting her with the image of the man she cared deeply for:
Then, by reminding her of all she is losing by rejecting him:
And she is still strong enough to say no. And not just to say no, but to shut the door completely. To look in the face of everything she has desired for centuries and turn it down, understanding that it will ruin her. Yes, she hesitates. Yes, she still wants it (wants him). But she wins the day by holding fast to the light that Sauron wishes so badly to bind himself to.
Because she has lost everything--her brother, her husband, the station as commander, the trust of her high king and best friend--and earns it back only through her resistance of her greatest temptation. It is a struggle, it is painful, it nearly kills her--but she does it. She wins the test that Sauron could not even bear to face.
In their headlong, self-sacrificial tendencies, they are the same. Both view themselves as fundamentally stronger/better than their peers while also being deeply lonely due to their self-imposed isolation (Galadriel's laser-focused hunt for revenge, Sauron's exile in Middle-earth). But to Galadriel, the light is more important than her pride.
For Sauron, the light is his source of pride. He desires it more than anything, but condemns himself to never being able to touch it due to his rejection of Eönwë's offer. Paradoxically, he tries to grasp at it through Galadriel, the living silmaril, and succeeds only in darkening her. We learn from Gil-galad in 2x08 that his crown piercing her flesh in an act of brutal domination nearly strips her soul from her and pitches it into the unseen world. In this, Sauron is saying: If I cannot have you, I will force you to need me. I will break you into loving me.
He says this to Celebrimbor as well. He no longer knows how to love properly. He only knows how to inflict pain until this object of his obessive desire needs him--just like how his immortal spirit was broken into submission by Morgoth. And isn't this revealing of his own sense of self? He refuses to suffer the path of light, but willingly suffers the maddening path of darkness because it is a comfortable, familiar suffering. One, he tells Celebrimbor, he even grew to enjoy (2x08). As the path of the Rings drive him madder and madder, his desire for the light (Galadriel) and the return of his power (Celebrimbor) become further disordered and corrupted until they culminate in him destroying them--and his chance at earning/owning them--entirely.
And this is Sauron's ultimate point of no return (which we will hopefully see in S3 🤞). The razing of Eregion and slaying of Celebrimbor were acts of petty rage he committed when his pride was injured. This was the final nail in the coffin. Galadriel, in her rejection of him, ruins what he sees as his true chance for redemption.
Galadriel, now stepping into the role of Eönwë, re-opens the invitation: "Heal yourself!" (2x08). But in rage and shame and stubborn pride, he turns it down again. I believe this is where his desire to heal Middle-earth shifts fundamentally into desire to dominate Middle-earth. He always wanted to rule, but now he wants to own.
#fae speaks#I spent hours pouring thru the Silm and RoP for this so if you enjoyed please let me know I'd love love love to talk about it more <33#sauron is my favorite freak in all of tolkien's lore rn I want to study him like a bug#btw this is saurondriel (and even silvergifting? if u squint) positive but with loads of nuance. i see haladriel as love and saurondriel as#possession. both are fun in fiction of course but I want to acknowledge how deeply messed up the dynamic is#but also! it's fiction! do whatever you want with it! if you want saurondriel to get a happy ending then do it <3#and send me the fic so i can read it because i'm team half-maia celebrian hehe#also if there are any glaring gaps in my knowledge of the silm pls lemme know it's been a minute since i've read it all the way through#part two will be on beauty and evil in tolkien's cosmology :)#tolkien#the silmarillion#the rings of power#rings of power#trop#rop#sauron#halbrand#annatar#galadriel#sauron x galadriel#saurondriel#haladriel#trop spoilers#trop season 2#trop meta#rop meta#rop theory#trop theory#celebrimbor#my metas
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AU set during turn back the pendulum -- Kisuke somehow finds and brings back a naturally-evolved arrancar Ichigo
Everyone thinks that's Kisuke's new rapid guard dog, and considering how attached he is to the captain, he sometimes can be. Hiyori has tried kicking Kisuke significantly less ever since Ichigo showed up. The first time she tried it around him, he grabbed and threatened her, not knowing this was a normal occurence between the two.
Aizen is of course interested in Ichigo, but the other always knows how to avoid him.
Generally I'd like to think that everyone's wariness to the arrancar among them quickly vanished when they realized he's too easy to read and not nearly as bloodthirsty as they originally feared. In fact, despite his seemingly uncaring tough-guy attitude, Ichigo has been spotted in Rukon interacting with and watching over children from time-to-time, or helping the Captain Commander carry things since he doesn't want the old man overworking himself
#omegaverse perhaps?#I got back into uraichi again T-T#uraichi#kisuke urahara#ichigo kurosaki#bleach#sketches#doodles of the art blocked wolf#Kisuke greatly enjoys Ichigos company since the other is blunt yet kind and supportive#but he also enjoys studying the other just like any other experiment#ichigo doesn't mind#even if Kisuke tried it'd be very hard for him to really hurt Ichigo#especially considering how fast he regenerates#I'd like to think that Zangetsu/Shiro exists as another arrancar#and is wondering where he could've possibly misplaced Ichigo
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I don't know what I love more, the fact that as rook you can make a statement in NO uncertain terms that you are NOT responsible one way or the other for the theological implications of the shit you're discovering in the 'regrets of the dread wolf' memories. not my jurisdiction. quite simply none of my business. not my chantry circus not my chantry monkeys. irrelevant to the matter at hand here we'll kill that god if we get to him he can get in line. or if the best thing about it is seeing the lone little 'lucanis approves' that pops up right after choosing it. corvid with a knife about to commit deicide keeping it real and sensibly, pragmatically, wilfully agnostic with me here in this magical lighthouse today
#we do not see it. we cannot read all of a sudden.#rye having war flashbacks to watcher conferences and firmly going 'we are *not* getting derailed by the metaphysics here folks'#rare stern moderator/dad hat moment from ingellvar lol. he's Seen Some Shit in his time (debates that raged over the multiple#and not always concurrent life times of the participants involved. ain't no academic rivalry like watcher academic rivalry#because watcher academic rivalry doesn't stop even when everyone involved is dead. and the rest of us have to live with it)#I. do not think the way I'm getting this quest is how it's meant to be experienced so I'm a bit at a loss as to how to pace it out#I've been an annoying little completionist so I have ALL the statues and could just marathon it out#but that does not feel like the best way for the story and upcoming reveals to work. hm. how to do this#I'm supposed to go fail to save weisshaupt right around now I can't be having study group with all of you rn as much of a delight as it is#rye is nominally an andrastian as mainstream nevarrans generally are but as I gather is the case with many of the watchers#what he *actually* believes in is the grand necropolis itself haha#(and the philosophy of history memory death and relationship (as well as responsibility) between the past and the present#and indeed the future that it represents. we have a duty. to what has been to what is and to what will come after us. good shit)#the nevarran/mortalitasi element just makes their lack of care or respect for chantry orthodoxy *mwha* that extra bit special#the nevarran lack of concern bordering on quiet condescending disdain for official chantry doctrine and policy my beloved#dragon age#dragon age: the veilguard#dragon age: the veilguard spoilers#dragon age spoilers#poor harding really is living through the most relentless 'if this is the maker testing my faith he sure be testing me' gauntlet of all tim#good news: god might be real! bad news: god might not even be a real thing but more like a magical accident or vibration or something#honestly tho. if we could get full lovecraftian incomprehensible to human conception the maker -- He is a particle and a wave style --#that's the only way I'd be cool with him or them actually answering the question of his existence. that'd be kind of sick#'yes. but no. but maybe. depends on how you define god. and exist. and he. and does.' *ingellvar sets of the METAPHYSICS!! klaxon#that's a time out folks good game but easy on the jargon and navel-gazing definition of terms next round#rye and lucanis have some slightly differing views about at what exact stage of a problem murder becomes a valid solution#('well you just kill them and then I'm the one who has to deal with the next much longer part')#but they're surprisingly kind of vibing on a lot of other stuff lol. good for them <3#oc: Ellaryen Ingellvar
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quite a few trolls have physical characteristics reminiscent of their lusii, like gamzee's pupils. how does that happen? do lusii pick grubs that look like them, or are grubs influenced physically by their lusus? is my mental image of tiny baby slitherbeast verato accurate?
This is one of those things that I'll often go back and forth on depending on what seems most fun for the things I'm writing lol.
I think I tend to settle on a combination! it makes sense to me that if part of your life cycle is having a huge semi-feral animal thing adopt you and raise you as its own, it would be good for your species, kind of cuckoo-like, to have a certain amount of mimicry for creatures of their color, to make them more appealing and familiar to potential lusii. 🤔
It's also very fun to me, as a slightly out there xeno aspect, if having a specific type of lusus around when you go through first pupation from grub to something more independent could influence some of the traits of your new body!
....the concept that despite all the societal and species differences between humans and trolls, you could still look at a troll and go "...you look like your dad, lol" is incredibly charming to me in a way I don't know that I can articulate. :D
#ask time!#Would that grub have grown up to have a forked tongue and slitted pupils and a slightly unnervingly wide smile if their dad wasn't a snake#hard to say! But probably not!#and it's not like anybody in troll society gives enough of a shit to try to do like. ancestor+descendant studies#even if they had the means which considering how rare and widely-spaced those pairs seem to be. I'd imagine they generally wouldn't
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this is very early but I think my new year's resolution for 2025 is gonna be to draw a lot more fat people 😤 I've been wanting to draw fat ppl so much this year but I keep being thwarted by other obligations >:T I will get my way sooner or later!!!
#my resolution for this year was to do more backgrounds/environment studies#and I think I did really well with that :3#especially because I accepted a job to do two different large paintings with full backgrounds even tho I was afraid of it heheh#and I've improved a huge amount at backgrounds since the beginning of the year!!! So I'm very proud of that 😌#I'd also like to do more personal animation next year I think so that'll be an informal secondary resolution#I'll animate a fat character at some point to bring em together :3#lyla's talking again
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making this post to hold myself accountable
tommorow i will catch up with all my assignments tommorow i will catch up with all my assignments tommorow i will catch up with all my assignments tommorow i will catch up with all my assignments tommorow i will catch up with all my assignments tommorow i will catch up with all my assignments
#not now bc its late and im tired#but tommorrow is a holiday (not in the sense like summer or chrismas but there arent classes even when its the middle of the school week)#so i have the time#and if it wasnt a commemorative day in my country i'd have classes anyways so its like#im not suspendint classes for myself#did i make myself clear? was that understandable?#im rambling#sorry#students#studyblr#study motivation#study#study aesthetic#study blog#studyspo#study-core-101#student#study community#studyinspo#studyblr community#school#assignments#academic assignments#academic weapon
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calling togame "my little seahorse" and watching as he tries to figure out what the fuck does that mean bc its too specific to be a cutesy nickname and he has never heard you specifically show interest towards marine biology and such
#i want one of the 1st years to explain to him the distinct characteristic treat regarding sea horses... esp male sea horses...#and watch as horror takes over his features.#tbh if we are being fair the freak would lq enjoy the idea... provoke you even.. pulling you to the side later and leaning by your ear#“your little sea horse huh? who wouldve thought such perverted ideas would lie underneath... i'd like to see you try darling.”#dw king im on it *rubbing hands emote*#wind breaker#togame jo#...ykno what imma log off and study pathology UISRFHGŞUIKASGUKIO for everyones sanity#danyl talks
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**persona 3 spoilers**
love & something worth living for
I've yet to watch ryoji's last link episode.. but I still wanted to draw this! I believe he was searching for his reason and he was able to find it.
#ryomina#persona 3 reload#shuyuka#minayuka#p3 reload#persona 3 reload spoilers#persona#spoilers#I really like how yukari doesn't even bat an eye towards the other guys other than the protagonist#she's really devoted on that regard..she takes none of ryoji's approaches it was so funny#when I draw ryoji I tend to study his manga versions because I think that's the one version I could sort of..draw closer to#it's the roundest version out of all..(the art is great)I'd like to draw this guy handsome too but I can't seem to do that as well as I wan#but I can draw him cute I think#I can live with that ;v;..#doodle
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congratulations to Mme. Pascale Leclerc, who has surely just experienced both the funniest and most unhinged weekend a mother could ever have. Dear fucking christ, I hope your middlest son brought you a bottle of champagne for yourself, ma'am.
#kazoo noises#charles leclerc#cl16#monaco gp 2024#zoomies posting#sports posting#like man. where to begin. one of your racecar children is back in town for the weekend. he has yet to have a truly good work#weekend it seems in town. now this year. we're feeling ourselves a bit. we're feeling optimistic even. and then ur son becomes talk of town#because he keeps doing fucking bits on twitter about adopting his coworker who is friends with your youngest son. this goes on long enough#for actual reporters to comment on it. no one is willing to blink first so by friday night we've yes-anded ourselves to a grandson#(congratulations mme leclerc)#things go well. and then at qualifying they go DAMN WELL#BETTER THAN EVER REALLY! but man. im superstitious. i dont trust shit until its over and the dust has cleared#(the adoption jokes have continued by the way) and MEANWHILE everyone is eyeing that starting grid. were humming. we're making vague hand#gestures when commenting. we're all thinking. Maybe? (the streets can hear u tho. keep it down)#race starts. lap one CHAOS. so many fucking crashes. i'd faint if i had a child even in karting honestly.#(every parent in this sport deserves a prescription for laudanum)#but he's not in it. hes at the front. and he. well. he just Stays There. Through It All. and the laps tick down. until the race is run. and#there he is. your middlest son. cross the line and into the books. first place. home town. what curse indeed. thats your boy!!!!!!!! THERE!#they play the radio of him winning and the audio is peaked because he screams out so loudly. you can hear the water in the laughter.#later theres gonna be videos and photos taken of him pushing his boss into the harbor and diving right in after the man. those photos are#gonna be fucking studied in photography classes one day. and STILL! everyone involved with that goofy joke about him adopting his coworker#(who. despite all the silliness of the race stayed second place and got a podium) is still carrying the bit like a baton relay. Do you have#him over for family dinner? might as well add a plate i guess! people are joking about your youngest son having two nephews? a dog born#maybe a month ago and a man born about... what twenty three years and about a month ago? fuck it! family dinner#sorry this bit got away from me but as someone who loves my homecity and my mom so much it might actually be like.#a visible growth inside my body if they do an autopsy on me at time of death or like. my love will eat me alive. sometimes the charratives#gets to me#anyway cheers mme leclerc i hope you party so fucking hard this week
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devil marbly carbly ft me trying to figure out how to draw all of them in real time
(the dubstep weed jacking off shirt is from a meme i would source if i uh. remembered it sorry </3)
#there's a lot of little gags i'd recommend zooming in#also it's so weird how the first two dantes look Nothing like the rest of these pages. call it a warmup ig#also nero fuck you.mp4 i spent like 40 minutes trying to figure out how to draw dmc5 nero#my dmc4 nero didn't look That much like him but i was drowning with dmc5 nero trust me#anyway i had to draw some more dante on the last page bc even though he got a whole page most of it was like. bleh#for the sake of figuring out how to draw him not bleh. so i needed to draw him not bleh. :p#dmc#devil may cry#dante sparda#nero sparda#vergil sparda#eva sparda#nico dmc#lady dmc#trish dmc#v dmc#dmc5#dmc4#dmc3#pls excuse the shit lighting i am. figjting for my very life against directional lighting okay#this contains a lot of the little thoughts i had about dmcs 3-5 that i never posted about so. enjoy <3#skrunkart#a little nero x kyrie. as a treat#does kyrie have much going on as a character? no. do i think they're cute anyway? yes#i took the most liberties w trish and im pretty sure it's bc i was tired more than anything#these adhere pretty strongly to their game designs. in time i'll add details that make em mine#but this is a study (hence all the notes)#also this ended off a sketchbook ive spent like 1.5 yrs on (which is unprecedentedly long for me like it's Crazy it took that long)#so hoorayy
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ngl having bad brain times. Can you ever physically FEEL the lack of the get things done chemical
#the advice for depression is to do the things that you used to enjoy and wait for them to help again#it's good advice and it does work to an extent but listen#i don't choose when i find things enjoyable i fixate on a topic and everything becomes enjoyable again#it's not like doing hobbies or reading or cleaning or eating meals helps THAT much#it just keeps me busy and sane and makes my body keep working until i get some good brain chemical shipped in#then I'll remember everything i've been putting off but at least i'll be relatively functional at that point#it's not that all the depression tips are useless. i'd be much worse if i didn't do any of them#as it is i've made it over 25 years without even developing a nicotine addiction or a crippling dependence on alcohol#my joints are even still fine mostly and i can tell when to get out of a situation so i can keep living#now i even know when i want to be around someone and when i don't!#i'm basically great at existing i've studied with the masters#still.
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#gintama#okita sougo#sakata gintoki#gintama kagura#hijikata toushirou#shimura shinpachi#kondou isao#katsura kotarou#shinsengumi#gintama elizabeth#sarutobi ayame#otose#catherine#me trying to rewatch gintama#actually i never finished it but lookame right now#hihi#brings back funny moments#it's kinda weird though cause the art looks like those of an old anime#however it's still good#haha#is it too much tags#anyways no one judging me kay#me heart is fradgile#but I'd like some reacts snd comments#if yag wantto discuss something bout gintama feel free to discuss it with meee#well that's all the tags fow today#ps sorry i haven't pose lately#just busy studying lessons hard even though im not in college#okay this is real byebye ~<3
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Haven't had the chance to watch the entirety of the The Boys, and I'm sure this comparison has been made before, but Homelander is exactly how I see Alfred's mutilative, cunning, and cruel side being like. The part of his personally that allowed him to become the worlds only super power.
As a person, he is deeply narcissistic, disturbed, violence-addicted and sadistic psychopath. Homelander is incredibly and needlessly violent, brutal and aggressive, throwing a bank robber into the air and letting him fall to his death, punching a shooter in the chest, senselessly decimating a group of terrorists around the world.
Due to being raised in isolation...Homelander struggles to feel genuine love, empathy and understanding for other people and their emotions. This has rendered him callous, immoral and psychopathic often threatening, abusing and intimidating the other members of the Seven in order to keep them in line much like his father while also killing anyone who stands in his way.
He is seen to be more than willing to let a plane full of families and children crash...but pretends to feel sadness about the incident while in the public eye.
Ultimately, Homelander is a damaged man, raised in a loveless environment, given extraordinary power and looks, and often told how great he is. Furthermore. the people raising him had a notable disregard for ethics, leaving him with a very similar mindset. This has left him with the paradoxical mindset of seeing almost everyone else as less than him, while at the same time having a deep desire for love
#my favorite character study is comping how Ivan and Alfred really are very similar#and what pisses of Ivan the most about Alfred is that for the most part he hasn't gained the same violent/cruel rep that Ivan has even#though they both very much so have habits and personality traits that overlap#one day I'd like to write something about the negative/really bad habits and traits of the main nation#I mostly like to stay positive but I also want to make sure that I don't fall to deep into the fluffyness of it all#and I would not say this is exact match for how I see Alfred but there are a LOT of overlap and I don't think it would be wrong to say#that most nations have a little bit of a lot of these traits even more so if they have power#hetalia#hws america#alfred f jones#historical hetalia#hetalia headcanon#hetalia axis powers#hws england
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